Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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