you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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