you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
