i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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