ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize