you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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