sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
