i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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