Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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