At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize