I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
