I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
how drunk are you?
Several
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
