We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize