Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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