I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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