Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
