I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
