She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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