She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
