turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
