Well douche your snatch and let's go!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
