He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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