god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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