i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
