Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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