question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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