Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
