That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
