Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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