***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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