the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
