A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
