somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
