ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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