She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize