My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
