he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My ass is underappreciated
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
