I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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