Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
