You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
