I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
