im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
