I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize