i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
