i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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