Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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