i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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