What a fucking waste of an outfit
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
