I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
