Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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