A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
