there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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