the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
