life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
