Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
