Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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